Sunday, February 04, 2007

The Sweet Serenade of Friendly Silence

What is that uncomfortable urging we get when we are sitting in silence? A lot of times when I am sitting alone or with someone and there is no noise, none whatsoever, I get extremely anxious. Why? What is this desire inside of us to make noise, any noise, to relieve ourselves of being uncomfortable? If you don’t know what I am talking about go find a friend that you know well enough to actually hold conversation with but you couldn’t tell me his/her sibling's birthdays or parent's first names, and then get in a room with that person and just be… don’t say anything, just sit there in silence.

Recently, I have been put into positions where I am not in close contact with a majority of my “friend résumé” if you will, and I have started to desire nothing more than the presence of someone that I know, a familiar face, a shimmer of light in the darkness of strangers. I ask myself, “Why can’t I get the same feelings around these people that I seemingly get around my friends?” I know that I could go out and make friends, but there is a long time period between friend and acquaintance that we so often take for granted when stuck in a small area together and are told to live in “community”.

I mean, I am in a huge room filled with strangers and I don’t say a single word. Do I feel uncomfortable? No, I am ok with saying nothing because to these people, who wouldn’t know me from Adam, I have nothing to say. I am constantly waiting for them to start what will eventually be described as that first awkward conversation we had so that eventually I can get to the point where not talking around them becomes uncomfortable.

You know, all I really want is someone that I know, and I mean really know to be there. They don’t have to say anything. They just have to be around me so that I know that no matter what happens, if I get in a pinch they will rescue me from the sad state I have gotten myself into. I can’t expect a stranger to see me lying on the street in a pool of my own blood and not only call a doctor but also pay my hospital bills.

Anyways, what I really want to say is this: The next time you are with your friends, enjoy the uncomfortable silence that you sit in. Because you can get these feelings no other place. It is a great thing when you learn to appreciate it. So, thrive on these silences and allow them to bring out the love and devotion you have for your friends.

Thaddeus Toad

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